Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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