He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
