what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
