Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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