oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
