my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
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Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
