bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Randomize
