it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
