Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
i think my mom watched the whole time
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
