franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
