I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I'm passing your future prison.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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