And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
