he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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