so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
grandma shit on top of the toilet
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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