just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
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