WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I'm not really sure actually. until I fell in love with a boy (which was just a few weeks ago) I thought my attraction to men was purely physical.
so you were gay...and then you realized you were EVEN MORE gay
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
