It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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