i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
