Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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