I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize