Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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