I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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