My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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