isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize