Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
someone owes me an orgasm
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
