That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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