my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
