I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize