and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
