my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
