i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
