I feel like abortions should bother me more
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
