so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
