I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize