We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
