so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
