I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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