I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize