So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
