Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
