wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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