It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Randomize
