Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Randomize
