i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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