we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
meet me or not, i'm out of control
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
