Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Drake has all the answers
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
