I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
