He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Why is there bacon in the couch?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
