You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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