i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
