Don't you send me to vm
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
