Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
