bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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