The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
