she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Randomize
