Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
