if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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