His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize