Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
