I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
