I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize