My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
