at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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