im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
