How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
