I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
