ya dads aren't the best wingmen
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
