A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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