Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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