You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I did not marry a roomba.
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