Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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