i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
