end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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