party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
