I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
