Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize