he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
