Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
