Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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