he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
