In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
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