Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize
