He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
