The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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