I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
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