so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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