Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
