Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Its about making memories worth repressing
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
