You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize