I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
