I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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