Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
