hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
