I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I think people are normalizing furries
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
