I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
