How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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